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What is Verbal Aikido?
VA Dojo is the place of VA practice. Practitioners come to develop reflexes to de-escalate exchanges where tension appears, protecting both themselves and their partners (i.e. any other person in an exchange).
Both inside and outside VA Dojo, practitioners strive to:
1. First do no harm
2. Save face for all involved
3. Nurture relationships
Practitioners come to VA Dojo with their opportunities to practice, i.e. any situation that created tension. Your VA sensei will invite you share these at the beginning of the session. Make sure you’re able to formulate it concisely! It may be chosen for the introductory demonstration to show how VA postures & techniques are applied.
1. During VA activities you can call a Time-out (making a ‘T’ sign with your hands). Your partner will respect this and empathize.
2. Only verbally attack another practitioner upon their explicit invitation.
3. All rules and protocols have been created for the protection of practitioners. Aim to fully understand them before you seek to change or ignore them.
After sourcing real-life situations from practitioners and giving a demonstration, your VA sensei will “open the dojo” with a brief focus on gratitude and a centering activity. After this you may practice Verbal Stretching to warm up your expression and listening postures. You will then be Sparring, essentially practicing techniques or “Kata” using the attacks shared at the beginning of the session. After a brief conclusion, the dojo closes with a return to center and gratitude.
Every activity in the dojo is an opportunity to self-observe and return to intention. Centering is usually a Posture 1 (Me/self) activity, this means you can use it to simply observe what is happening in your mind, heart and body. There are millions of ways to recenter, if you have one you’d like to share, let your sensei know!
You will usually work with a partner to practice your endurance in Posture 1 (Me/self) centered expression and then Posture 2 (You/other) neutral listening. As the activity is about self-observation and intention, you will not be analyzed or judged, as your partner is self-observing too! If it’s your first time, simply pick a term you’d like to explore and let your partner guide you with the rest. Aim to keep a balanced time (50/50) for practicing both postures.
Sparring is usually done in groups of 3 or 4 and begins with the person who originally received the attack becoming the attacker. Generally the most experienced practitioner will receive this attack, striving to move between VA postures 1, 2 & 3 while applying techniques. A dedicated VA scribe takes notes of the moves (phrases) used by the VA practitioner. This can be used in the (short) debrief after each spar. Everyone should get an opportunity to carry out each of the 3 roles.
It is a courageous act to “set foot” in any dojo. You are allowing yourself to step outside your comfort zone and become destabilized. Make sure you let your partner know if you’d like a time out (see basic rules) or if you’d just prefer to watch or understand more before continuing. Practitioner safety is of utmost importance, share with your VA sensei any difficulties you encounter in the dojo that leave a feeling of discomfort.
What is VA not?
If you’ve heard that aikido is “using the other person’s force against them”, you may have been misled. Aikido is the art of non-resistance and its philosophy promotes peace and harmonious outcomes for all. Indeed the aikido objective, protecting self AND other, is so different from most martial arts that there are no aikido competitions, and it is virtually pointless to compare it with the likes of judo or karate, etc.
VA dojo is not a group-therapy session. Although you may well come away from practice feeling empowered and ready to deal with difficulties, the purpose of the dojo is for practitioners to develop reflexes in posture (attitude) and technique (formulation). Aim to develop the skills of being succinct when expressing yourself and maintain a balanced (e.g. 50/50) talk time when working with others.
You may initially think that VA will help you “get that zinger”, i.e. find that phrase that leaves your opponent stunned or beaten. However, although VA will bring your attacker to discontinue their attack, it will not be because you have dominated them. Rather, VA enables you to connect both with yourself and with others on a deeper level, exploring paths to harmony and healthier long-term relationships, thus rendering attacks futile. At the very least, the practice gives you the means to protect yourself and avoid an exchange escalating.
If there’s an opportunity to practice that you experienced and you’d like to see how it can be handled with VA, make sure you arrive on time at the dojo. Avoid analyzing or entering into the finer details of your case when you present it. Simply prepare it in advance so that you can clearly and concisely share the context and the “trigger phrase” that created tension for you.
Once the centering activity begins, you have an opportunity to self observe and practice being present with yourself. Avoid analyzing, self-judgment and judgment of the content as much as you can, so as to fully benefit from the exercise. Remember that there are many ways to center, so avoid ruminating on those that aren’t helpful for you and focus on those that are beneficial to your practice. You can share your self-observations or appreciation of the proposed centering in the chat.
Verbal Stretching® is not an academic exercise. The only result you should aim for is to experience a moment of self-observation, both when expressing yourself (Posture 1) and listening (Posture 2). As the objective of the exercise is to maintain either of the intended postures and to notice when you leave them, you should not be assessing your partner’s practice or content, that is for them to do!
So as to maximize practice time on the “verbal mat”, make sure you begin with clarity on the case and the roles of the participants (Attacking partner, Practitioner and VA scribe). If it is your case, do not expect your partners’ practice to be an exact copy of the situation, although after the spar, you can briefly suggest details that may contribute to a more authentic representation. Minimize chat, maximize practice: focus on which techniques created energy shifts.
When practicing in real life and at the VA Dojo, there are several postures to avoid, as they can easily contribute to escalation. They are called “DEPs”, or “Deviations from the Expected Posture”. Here are the principal DEPs:
justifying, arguing, defending or explaining oneself (JADE): anything that contributes to a ping-pong exchange.
false agreement: for example, responding with “yeah, but…”
seeking to convince: striving to make the other adopt your position
direct resistance: e.g., responding with “Absolutely not!” or shaking your head while your partner is expressing their views, etc.
diversion: e.g., deflection, “spin”, subterfuge or avoidance
submission: e.g., accepting an uncomfortable position to please the other
counter-attack: e.g. “So are you!” or “What about the time you…!”, etc.
uncentered expression: e.g., with a rising, cold or dry intonation
passive aggressiveness: e.g., “Whatever! It clearly doesn’t matter what I think!”
imposing an emotion: e.g. “You’re clearly very angry about this.”
exaggeration for effect: e.g., “It’s always me who has to do everything!”, etc.
repetitive negativity: e.g. “This really gets on my nerves. It’ll never work… there’s no point!”
Also note that, in a potentially conflictual situation, our expression is much more powerful when it is concise. Always aim to express your position in about 3 sentences, or 10 seconds maximum.
“To injure an opponent is to injure yourself. Controlling aggression without hurting is the art of peace.”
Morihei Ueshiba (founder of Aikido)